Bald Or Mullet?

I hope this rant finds you well.

Baldness, it's celulite for men. Yeah, bald can be cool but take a poll of 100 bald guys and I bet you 99 of them say they wish they still had hair.

BUT, pose this question and it's a whole different ball game. Tell a bald guy he can have hair but it HAS TO BE A MULLET.

Now, you see what I'm saying. Bald or mullet. I gotta say I'd stick with bald (and I'm acknowledging I have no choice in the matter). I guess I'm semi lucky enough to have a decent shaped head, albeit very large.

These poor bastards that go bald to reveal a skin covered skull that looks like volcanic rock from the Pompeii disaster....well I feel for them.

No, I don't have a head like say John Luke Picard from Star Trek, but I have been told a few times that I look better bald. You know what? At 38 years old I can finally see it. Yeah, I'm a big boy I can take it.

But then I think, maybe it's just getting older and accepting my hairless fate. Well, I say hairless, I'm covered in hair everywhere else except my head.

When I was around 21 someone told me I was going to go bald, and I freaked. I even bought the version of minoxodil before it was minoxodil.

At 25'ish I went to a hair replacement clinic even though I still had a ton of hair. I went in and there were around 6-8 bald guys all around 40-50 years in age. They looked at me like a traitor, like "you've got hair you little whipper snapper, get out!" but I stayed for my free consult and the Hair Tech was very sympathetic aobut my impending mr. clean look. She said they would cut the hair that I have now off, put 4 snaps into my skull(!!!) and then pick a hairpeice that fits my lifestyle. Now, at this point I was over anything that has to do with snapping hair onto my head, but I hung around to get more of the scoop. Well, it costs about $1500.00 and you have to come in for periodic "maintenance", like a tune-up for hair.

Anyway, she shows me different hair styles and they are all bad, like child molestor bad, well except for the Shatner Turbo 2000, that was sweet. It was from the TJ Hooker days. But I don't look good in curly, tight, snap-on hair.

So, I told them no thanks and bolted.



I'm Snobby Bobby and now you know how I feel.

Toilet Paper....Are you sure you wanna know?

This is a rant that if you're squeamish you may not want to read any further. If I still have your attention then read on.

I'm hairy, plain and simple. For reasons that only God (and my real dad…long story) knows I'm hairy all over except my head. Every crack (pun) and crevice has hair.

Now I’m going to fess up on some things that you may not think happens, but it does. It’s kind of like when parents are told their kids are doing drugs and they respond “Not my kids”. Yes, your kids.

Toilet paper has changed quite a bit over the four hundred years or so that it’s been around. Days after Thomas Crapper invented the modern day toilet he realized that there needed to be a way to transfer poop from the brown eye to the newly invented porcelain god. I doubt he knew how many times people would bow down and pray to the “golden calf” entity he created.

I digress.

Toilet paper (hereafter referred to TP) is still around in its original form. Don’t believe me? Go to 7-11 and buy Marcal TP. It’s rough. Like strap it to your sander and make a patio deck ruff.

There are many variations of toilet paper. Aloe, Quilted, Double Roll, hell even TRIPLE roll come to mind.

That’s all well and good, but guess what? Not one of them is hairy butt friendly. That’s right. Not one.

I don’t even want to think about a bidet. I’m from Lubbock, and beneath this hipster doofus exterior lies a good ole’ boy.

Back out now, it’s your last chance.

I go through a LOT of TP. I can burn a half a roll easily in one sitting. I’m talking wiping from the back, front, side and putting TP on the ground and scooting. A 3 flusher is nothing new to me.

I’ve heard all of the supposed solutions: shave your butthole. Well I’ll tell you what, you go first then I’ll go.

I shaved my chest once and when the hair grew back it was like I had a porcupine duct taped to my chest. Never again. I can’t even begin to imagine my virgin brown eye taking a haircut. I also shaved my legs when I was 12 planning to act like I cut my legs up to scare my mom. I used red food dye for the blood. Let's just say I wore pants the whole summer.

I’m working on a compressed air solution but I haven’t figured out how to contain the blow back. I’ve searched NASA’s site and they have a solution for space travel although it’s proprietary and classified.

Suggestions are appreciated. In the meantime if you invite me over for dinner stock up on your TP.

I’m Snobby Bobby and now you know how I feel.

Excuse me....Not So Much

New rant and welcome aboard.
Maybe it's just me because I'm such a nice guy, just ask around.

Lately and by lately I mean the last couple of years but it seems like people are less and less considerate. What every happened to excuse me, or thank you? Granted I've been hanging out at Parkland the last couple of days and some people truly have it hard, some make it hard on themselves and some just think they have it hard.

I can't count the amount of times I've said "Excuse me" at Parkland. We were in the elevator, it was packed and someone asked the person closest to the door to push the first floor button. The lady remaked "It's already been pushed!" in an extremely rude tone. Why? Ok, yah, she could've been having a bad day, but so what? How hard is it just to say "I've already pushed it" in a calm tone?

If you don't know Parkland probably has more of its share of rude and crabby people than anywhere else in Dallas. And I know what you're thinking, well, they're in the hospital, you usually don't go to the hospital unless your sick. And yes, the average wait to see a dr. at P-land is probably 6-7 hours. Couple that with being sick and I can see how you could be frustrated and rude.

But how about directing it at the people you're mad at? I'm mean I'm no Freud, but a great line goes "Anger fuels anger, unhappiness is contagious". You don't want to believe that, but in the right circumstance it can be true.

I can't count the times I've been sitting there with Lori and we're trying our best to make the best of it when you hear someone complain that these doctors take so long to see me, they're just back there eating etc etc.

The doctors and nurses that work at Parkland work HARD! These people hit the ground running from the moment they clock in and it is non-stop people. Constantly. And for most of these people Parkland is helping them out becuase these people can't afford to pay or don't have insurance...or both.

I guess this rant is really aimed towards these people that are so upset and tired at Parkland that just a "hello" or holding the door for someone would do wonders.

I still don't think one person can change the world, but I do believe that one person can put all of the right things into motion so it spills over into other peoples little lives and they carry on the good word, positive vibes, karma or whatever you want to call it.

I'm Snobby Bobby and now you know how I feel.

My First request for a Rant goes something like this

Dear Snobby Bobby,
What is it about bandmembers that take themselves so seriously? I just think sometimes, Are you kidding me?

If you don't know, I was in a band called Stranger Than Fiction. We started in Lubbock Tejas and moved to Dallas when we outgrew Buddy Holly, Mac Davis and G.W. Bailey's (most notably as Rizzo from M*A*S*H) hometown. We went from big fish in a small pond to the reverse. It took a while and we developed a decent following here in Dallas. We've played with bands like Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Morrisey etc.

I wanted you to know the backstory to give myself a little credibility.

Onto the meat of the question, what is it about SOME bandmembers that take themselves so seriously?

In my opinion it depends on the person, but a lot of times it boils down to the genre that the artist is in. Do you think I'm crazy? Think about it, rappers take themselves very seriously, so do a lot of rock bands. You don't see that kind of thing as often in country or less in your face bands/acts.

Then I look at bands like Green Day, Run DMC, The Beastie Boys, Beck, The Ramones and think that these guys are grounded and don't take themselves too seriously. They take the music seriously and I think that's the key. You can be an idiot and still take your music seriously and come out on top. Hell, look at Snopp Dogg. I think his stuff is well produced and sounds great and that can bring a crappy song up through the ranks. You may not even realize it, but it's true. There's a lot of thought that goes into a well mixed/mastered song. EQ is a huge thing.



I was watching a documentary on the making of the "Fly Like An Eagle" album by the Steve Miller Band. I couldn't help but be inspired. Even if you're not a fan of Steve Miller you have to give respect where respect is due. Here is a guy who is so grounded in the music he has no air of ego about him, yet his work has inspired countless musicians.

The snobby part of me does have a huge grudge against rap, I'll admit it. It's not because I hate the music, it's because of the production value. I can't count how many songs I hear on the radio that have poor production value. It irks me.

However, I think in a way it's a good thing. Everybody with a computer and a drum machine now can put something together and call it a song. I say it's good because I think people will EVENTUALLY realize that a good song is a good song for many reasons: the songwriting, the musicians, the production and the mastering. Not because Nelly Furtado has decided to go gangsta.

Think about it, Ashlee Simpson totally blew it on SNL and it was a big deal. I saw it and couldn't believe it. But guess what? 8 months later her new album debuted in Billboards top 5. Britney Spears cannot sing live, if you don't believe me google her for live audio, it's awful. But of course she's succesful when someone like Christina Aguillera (sp?) can sing her ass off acapella and she's less succesful than the trailer trash ho that is Britney Spears. WTF!!??

I digress. I'm Snobby Bobby and now you know how I feel about it.

FriskeFish - My Side Of The Story

Yo turtles. This will be a long post and it technically falls under the requisite rant/bitch requirements of this blog.

Those of you that have known me long enough know I was 1/2 of the company FriskeFish Productions LLC. Kim Fishman was the other half. If you want the back-story (movie talk) read the original post: “Lights! Camera! Ac---, Wait” originally posted on August 10th, 2004 below.

No one ever saw it because I didn't tell anyone I had a blog. I was waiting for all of the lawyer crap to get finalized before I wanted to speak publicly about FriskeFish. Then I just kinda let it go.

But now here's the story, warts and all. Yeah, there's two sides to every story, this is my side of it.

On or about April 12th of 2005 everything was settled. It was over and done. Let me tell you I got my ass handed to me. That's right, I lost and lost BIG. Once it was all said and done I walked away with nothing except my name off of the company.

I'm going to give you the straight scoop, if you know me I hope you believe what I say.

First, I compliment Kim and her husband "Fish". That's right, I compliment them. They know how to play the game, they played me like a fiddle, a pawn, a chump.

And I was dumb enough to think that my business partner would play fair. I learned a lesson, the hard way.

Facts you ask? Here’s a few to get you going.

1. Kim rewrote my synopsis for “Price Check” and then sent it into a film festival. Once I found out about the change she blamed someone at the festival. I pressed Kim for a name, she finally acknowledged it was her that rewrote the synopsis. I’m no Hemmingway, but my scripts and synopsis are mine. She did this behind my back and was only forced to fess up when cornered. Excellent. I would never rewrite someone’s work.

2. Kim and her husband “Fish” told me if I listed all of my equipment (that I personally owned before they came along) on the FriskeFish taxes we would both get a big refund. Great I thought. I like mo' money (go Spike), who doesn't? So, I agreed and we filed our taxes. I believe they did this in the knowledge that if it ever came down to it (and it did) they would use it to your advantage. In the lawsuit they claimed I knew full well that I agreed to hand over my equipment to the company. Of course I never agreed to such a thing. However, they tried to take ALL of the equipment. Not just the equipment purchased for FriskeFish, but my equipment before I ever even knew Kim!! Excellent.

3. Kim and her husband NEVER budged once during litigation. I budged and budged until the end where they got to: keep all of the equipment They got to keep: Canon XL1s with pelican case, Avid Xpress DV software, Sony DSR-40 Deck, Avid Computer, Ma-100 adapter, Gitzo boom pole, Sennheiser ME66 with converter Capsule, plus a lot of other stuff but who’s counting right? Excellent.

4. I spent almost $3000.00 in legal fees. Wait, I know you’re thinking hey they spent money on legal fees too, but with one difference, they got 95% of the equipment! Excellent, B R A V O even. So for around $4500 total they walked away with over $20,000 worth of equipment.

5. Kim changed any access I had to the FriskeFish website, without my consent. Not to be outdone she finally deleted my email accounts, excellent.

6. Kim NEVER honored any of my requests or demands that I made legally as an equal partner. Excellent.

7. Some more back-story… I arranged to buy all of the equipment from my old company at cheap prices. I then sold it all on eBay for a profit. I then in turn bought all of the equipment that Kim now has at the best deal possible. Oh, and I built the Avid Computer that Kim has now. Excellent.

I told you I was ranting

8. Kim wrote an article about the Santa Monica film festival and “reviewed” Price Check, not favorably I might add. On top of that she never asked me for my opinion. She bashed me in print and I had no clue until I read it at the bookstore. Great first article. This is my BUSINESS PARTNER.I remember she said something about being honest in her words. In my opinion, she’s nowhere near honest. Other people may buy it, Of course they’ve never been her partner. At least I know I was screwed, some people are still in the dark.

9. I quote Kim in an email she sent to me on 07/03/2003: “As for the partnership, I would like to buy off everything, the Avid System, firewire drive and the XL1 and I would pay what we paid for it, not the depreciated value. Fish would kill me for saying that, but I think that is fair.” I guess Fish never knew that one either. Excellent.

10. Kim bought our way into a film festival. How you ask? Well, she was working for the Deep Ellum Film Festival and had some "auction bux". One of the auction items that night was acceptance of your film into the Santa Monica Film Festival (Deep Ellum Film Fests sister). We were already passed over by the SM Film Festival. No biggie. But Kim calls me very excited that she bought our way in. I didn't like it. I want anything I do to get in on its on merit not through a side door. I told her no but she eventually convinced me that the exposure would be good for us. It took a while but I agreed.

I actually feel sorry for her husband. He defended her through all of this without knowing all of the facts. He’s probably a good man that deserves much better than her in my humble opinion.

On a personal note to Kim if you read this: You did teach me one thing through this costly, drawn out, exhaustive process, never EVER partner with someone again. For that I thank you. Good luck on your way to the top!

From now on anything I work on will be a FriskeVision production. For me, this lesson learned is: Do not partner with anyone again.

“There’s one typewriter in Hollywood and a million copy machines” – Nipsey Russell

Here’s the original post:

Lights! Camera! Ac---, Wait (originally posted on August 10th, 2004)

Hi there,

A lot of people ask me things like "Are you working on any new movies lately?" or something to that effect.

The short answer is no.

The long answer is a bit more complicated and if you care to know the answer please read on.

About a year ago I decided that I did not want to continue with FriskeFish or remain equal owner of the company.

Kim and I talked and an agreement was made to dissolve the company. We would go our separate ways, no harm, no foul. That agreement was never followed through on so things became (and remain) nasty. Lawyers are now involved and it's a big drag. For those who know my divorce story it is NOT the same lawyer.

Every story has two sides, I have mine, Kim has hers. I really can't comment more than that at this point until things are completely resolved. When that will be I don't know.

It has soured my take (pun intended) on the movie process from a company point of view. Whenever reality yanks you back from doing something you love your view becomes skewed.

I don't like the business side of the process, I haven't from the beginning. I'd rather be behind a camera yelling at people, sitting in a dark editing bay or writing the next flick.

However, my distain (cool word eh?) is starting to diminish and I'm getting excited about working on the next project.

What is the next project you ask? I don't know yet. What I do know is that it will be something I write and not purchased or optioned, two words I hate when talking about this particular element of the "biz".

I have what I think are the beginnings of a couple of good scripts. I'll give you a one word hint about the probable next project: "BINGO!". There may be something in between so don't hold me to anything. If you know me, you already know this.

I haven't been in neutral for the past year or so, I've worked doing some contract video gigs here and there. I've recorded music for a couple of bands. Nothing terribly exiting, but they did help pay the bills. I did direct and edit a music video for the band "The Mermaid Purse". It should be online soon and it will be on their web site. It's a live style video synced to the original recording done in the studio. It was a 3 camera shoot at The Curtain Club.

From now on anything I work on will be a FriskeVision production. For me, this lesson learned is: "Do not partner with anyone again".

Bobby

The beginning of the bitchin!

Ok, I've got an opinion about everything and I'm ready to tell all of you about it. I like to bitch and be a bit of a snob about certain issues (hence the name). So, this will be my forum for posting and your forum for reading and posting feedback.

Which brings me to my first rant, people who don't respond. I know you want to say something, so let me hear it. I promise to overlay my template of snobbery or bitching or both depending on the case. So, let it fly!

If you want my opinion (usually negative) on something email me at mr.roboto@friskevision.com and if I find it worthy I'll post it here and comment on it.

Bobby